So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
