Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
