saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
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I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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