I'm drive I can fine osifer
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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