So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Alive.
So much puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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