Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
