I CAN MOONWALK!
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
