How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize