The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize