oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's rum buckets o'clock
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
