he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
