just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
