i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
