Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize