I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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