Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
