I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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