Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm always down for nudity.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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