hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
