this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
