So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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