Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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