Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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