I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
