on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
