I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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