i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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