Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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