There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
