Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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