Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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