i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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