Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
