Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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