I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
