i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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