mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
