yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
