I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize