with your own penis?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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