There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
