i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Drake has all the answers
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
