Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize