So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
