We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
