What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
