every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
