This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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