i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize