Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
