No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
