you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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