Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
