Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
