so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
