I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
