living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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