so explain again why im purple
no
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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