i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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