I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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