there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
