What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
