oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
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I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.