Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
New Dating App in Dallas For Only The Most Ambitious and Attractive Singles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
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