Texts From Last Night

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  (360): View more from Washington

  The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.

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  (360): The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade. http://tfl.nu/rkoj
  Replies (48) Good night (4249) Bad night (586)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.

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  (609): One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em. http://tfl.nu/70jy
  Replies (35) Good night (6760) Bad night (1044)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.

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  (210): I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you. http://tfl.nu/z9fg
  Replies (34) Good night (1189) Bad night (13303)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one

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  (580): Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one http://tfl.nu/xo36
  Replies (7) Good night (2946) Bad night (1262)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.

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  (305): It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids. http://tfl.nu/tjbu
  Replies (4) Good night (4635) Bad night (1020)
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  (424): View more from California

  he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety

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  (424): he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety http://tfl.nu/36fw
  Replies (12) Good night (3571) Bad night (874)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.

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  (778): We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay. http://tfl.nu/xs17
  Replies (16) Good night (1574) Bad night (2891)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.

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  (509): I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier. http://tfl.nu/0psb
  Replies (5) Good night (2177) Bad night (846)
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  (408): View more from California

  Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission

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  (408): Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission http://tfl.nu/3kcn
  Replies (6) Good night (2015) Bad night (598)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH

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  (775): I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ef88
  Replies (9) Good night (2154) Bad night (651)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.

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  (703): After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was. http://tfl.nu/omxm
  Replies (1) Good night (1356) Bad night (408)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?

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  (570): You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award? http://tfl.nu/wwxx
  Replies (9) Good night (878) Bad night (599)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.

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  (860): Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character. http://tfl.nu/v0k6
  Replies (4) Good night (564) Bad night (327)
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  (607): View more from New York

  guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear

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  (607): guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear http://tfl.nu/rhya
  Replies (2) Good night (506) Bad night (337)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here

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  (602): The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here http://tfl.nu/0qqg
  Replies (4) Good night (811) Bad night (181)

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