Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
