Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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