God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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