When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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