Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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