trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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